Kirsten,
A
few weeks ago, I was paddling my kayak in Indian Arm. I was on the
return leg of a Cates Park-to-Deep Cove-for-lunch excursion.This felt
very much like an ode to our one fully successful trip with Suzy
Spitfire - that being a favourite memory of our life together.
I
was paddling with an ease of rhythm and a strong sense of
tranquility. I was in the moment. In that moment, not as a sudden
realization or conscious thought, but as a waking dream, it came to
me that you were there with me. It enveloped me and it was beautiful.
I was happy and content.
As
I continued to paddle, I considered why I was motivated to buy a
kayak and be on the water every other day during the summer. This
thought process gave me a new understanding of how you would never
leave me - your spirit, your sensibility, your nature, what was
important to you, who you were - I have those with me. We talked
about owning kayaks many times and that would undoubtedly have
happened. At that indistinguishable time of movement into awareness,
we were together on the water.
I’ve
always recognized your ongoing influence, presence, and connection,
but somehow this seemed to resonate on a deeper and more significant
level. No, I'm not going to go buy a double kayak. And, yes I know the kayak/relationship analogy of each having our own boat; to fully enjoy our journey together without interdependence - a sense of our own strength and control being essential to a healthy relationship.
It
will always seem unfair that we cannot hold hands anymore, but it
feels like I’m still sharing this life with you. Thank you. Having
said that, I’ve made some questionable choices of late (mostly
clothing-related) so, I will look for your further guidance.
Jesus, I just turned to see Finn staring steadfastly at me like he knew what I’m writing about… Or, he may just figure it’s dinner time. We miss you.
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| This Was the Day |
